What your highest self says, goes...
Daily reconfirmation, of yesterday's messages. I did my first hypnotherapy session yesterday. What was confirmed to me was a concentration of the messages that have been trickling through my porous unconscious/spiritual barrier the past days, weeks and months. Was the information new? Not especially. Was I really under? Who knows? Were the messages clear and easy to receive? Absolutely. Did I feel the benefits almost immediately afterwards and still at this very moment? Conclusively, yes.
What does it do to communicate with the part of you that "knows"? Don't all parts of our selves know? One part of my brain seems to know I want pizza. Another part of me seems to remember what kind of industry produces dairy and it causes emotional hurt. Does one part of us really know better, like an inner hierarchy? Are we continuous or multiple selves? Can we truly integrate and get on the same page? How do we distinguish ego fears from intuitive thoughts? The perennial questions.
And yet! There seem to be some answers when we make a concerted effort to go there - to have the dialogue between the selves, and to let them air out their arguments.
And so I find myself, experimenting with a new way to approach my mornings.
Part of me screams, afraid: 'Natalie! Your successful transitions of the past few years all seem to stem from the brilliance of the spiritual morning routine being at the heart of your life! Why would you toy around with that?!'
Another part spoke with crystal clear clarity through the hypnosis yesterday and said: "it's time to focus a little less energy inward and channel that intention/attention into writing. (Hence) start your day with writing each morning and don't fear loosening your reliance on your other daily practices."
Will I still meditate? Do morning pages? Pull cards etc? Of course.
But I have also carved out those ritualistic practices as a way of lighting lanterns to guide me to my truest, most purposeful self. And I always suspected at the end of that winding road, was writing.
Writing, waiting for me, patiently, in a rocking chair, knitting, whispering to herself "she's always happy when she visits me but then forgets to return."
Like working out, cooking a hot meal or doing something kind for someone - a lot of things mostly/always work for us. Yet we distance ourselves from that memory time and time again. Why? Because our priorities are scattered. Because our needs and wants evolve.
But if I'm honest, writing has been there since the very beginning. In childhood, I would say it was neck and neck with drawing and performing. Through photography and my continuous content production for Tour de Soul, I would say the visual and vocal component are still very much ever present.
But the writing is begging to mature. It is asking of me daily dedication and muscle toning. I hear myself speak, year after year, when people abstractly ask me where I'm heading and I vaguely respond "writing." In what form and for whom? Beats me.
But do we hear ourselves speak? We say things. We literally drop the clues of our truth and then leave them there like abandoned, nonsensical anecdotes detached from the logic of our lives.
Some people say, don't talk about what you're going to do. Just do it. But I have always talked about it. So that when I get a hypnotherapy session and watch the words trickle through my mouth, I hear it. Those familiar phrases I've uttered before. But this time I am induced into a state and asked to trust my parole (French for speech) as gospel.
Start every morning with writing. Ok. I receive. Then I obey. I yield to myself, to the words I say aloud for my own benefit. What am I teaching if not a kind of self obedience? Isn't that what intuition is? Both a porous openness and a strict adherence?
Who we envy is always indicative of where we have to grow and nurture. Well, I hardly envy anyone more than those who make the time to write. Not one particular kind of writer. It could be a comedian or a philosopher, but those who take the time to weave their written muscle tissue into forms, day in and day out, those people seem to have the golden ticket in my world view.
I can be one of those people today and tomorrow without the inherent expectation of what that means or where that leads.
I still remember the day I started this blog. I felt frustrated and grumpy. I didn't want to do my normal morning self healing ritual (which I always love and look forward to). I decided not to fight to overcome that. I sat down to write instead, to move that irritation swiftly into another form...
It was deeply exhilarating. To overcome resistance not by talking myself out of it like we distract a child from their hurt or disappointment. But by moving through the eye of the needle. I am not going to be pejorative to myself, and like a kid on Santa's lap, convince myself to cry through the photograph. Why not jump off the knee and do what you want?
I often coach my clients towards shortcuts. We don't always have to 'do the thing' that leads to the actual 'thing'. Let's just do the actual thing. You don't need to earn it. We are adults now and can go straight to dessert if we want.
And so I am taking myself off the 'preparation' bandwagon. I don't need to be in an endless training stage. Imposter syndrome is a habit we have to break and that only becomes believable through doing.
I am doing the thing. I am starting my day through writing. That far off goal now in the most immediate position, before everything else swoops in and calls itself priority.
We'll see how long this lasts. I give myself endless permission to evolve and change my mind. But for now, I receive and obey myself because without that, this Tour de Soul leads nowhere.
Today, I teach a workshop that will be all about returning to the Self that knows. That has directives and clear, concise advice in all the murky, swishy and smeared areas of our life. If you'd like to join me, you can register right up until go time at 1pm EST by registering here: https://www.tourdesoul.org/bookings-checkout/take-2022-by-the-reins?referral=service_list_widget .
Are you clear on at least one thing your most consistently authentic self keeps asking of you? Perhaps something you have repeated aloud year after year, without ever really heeding to it? Please drop it in the comments below and watch yourself know it again! And maybe even heed to it... today.