God, the dog ate my...
Don't misunderstand me - I did not grow up with a Godhead in my home. This was not an idea that was introduced nor was it shunned. It simply wasn't there for me to hide behind nor run away from... the concept of Source energy, Spirit, Divine presence was implied only indirectly because both of my parents were spiritual but not religious. They didn't use or impose the word God, and so, for me, there's still a certain freshness when referring to it. I don't have to shake the cobwebs off before handling it.
I can remember the day my experience of the divine shifted from something of an inner dialogue to a force I spoke to outside of me. Of course the part of me that utters prayer is technically silent on the outside. But when I began to direct my energy to something "beyond" myself, miracles started to occur. My 'Self' was not the be all and end all. A relinquishing of power that was hard at first became a blissful right of passage.
One interesting shift resulting from this transfer of power was understanding that my intuition was connected to this power source that connects us/it all. So to be divinely guided (I'm currently wearing a bracelet that says "I am being guided" - thanks for the gift, Sharon, you know me so well!) - to be receptive to something greater than me - also meant that I had to have my antenna up to receive the call.
This is of course why most spiritual people will tell you meditation is an essential ingredient because if there's no quiet, how the heck are you supposed to hear the subtle messages that are so characteristic of symbolic communication?! But my big turning point in the spiritual evolution I mentioned above happened when I added prayer. I needed to be more than a blank slate. I needed a goal broader than full adherence to my intuition and the pursuit of my individual, conscious ambitions.
What I needed was to send out an invitation and when I did that, everything changed. When we visualize, make manifestation lists or vision boards - we do so from the presumption that we know what we want. But our desires are limited to our current frame of reference, to what we believe is possible and what we currently think ourselves worthy of. When one prays and asks to be guided ("how can I act in alignment with divine will") rather than demanding items on our list like a kid writing to Santa, we can be sure that we are receiving not just the gifts we want, but those we need. In hindsight, the things we receive are often better than what we could've dreamed up because they are not shrunk to the size of our ego fears.
I believe God-energy whispers to us through ideas and suggestions: "try this," "call them," or "maybe you should start this." The reason it was important for me to get addiction out of the picture is that compulsive behaviour may interfere with that internal guidance system (see also yesterday's blog in relation to intuitive eating). Habitual patterning can subvert or pervert that inner calling as we revert to what we know (this is the core of Joe Dispenza's work). In my experience, divine guidance can seem more out of the blue, out of our comfort zone and unfamiliar, making it all the more tempting for our limited self to step in and warn, "well we haven't done that before so it likely won't work. Let's just do what we've always done."
The reason I meditate and pray is because I am opening a dialogue or a chess game if you will. I am saying to my Divine Guidance System (DVS?): "your move" or more accurately, "what is my next move?" That way, when I get an answer (like, "write this article") I don't question it. In fact, procrastination and self sabotage appear almost self centred or like a willful denial of progress because it means I am disagreeing with the essence of my spiritual connection. What is the point of spiritual practice if I don't listen to the directives that sprout from its soil?
Trust gets built over time, of course. The more those intuitive nudges from Source lead to good results - and the fear of catastrophe is disproven - the more illogical it seems to deny them. That's why action is essential - "faith without works is dead" (James 2) - because otherwise, we can never test out our intimate connection with ourselves. Just as in a relationship, we can't develop trust and respect if we don't take the risk of being vulnerable, so too in our divine relationship can we not establish a rapport if we ignore its calls to action.
So that's why when God gives me homework, I don't question it. That's why I am able to give Tarot readings or do sessions with clients - because I always start by asking to be guided. I don't want my conscious mind and personal bias running a-mock without any driving integrity. I at least set the intention to be fuelled by the part of me that is divinely connected. When I pray to the godlike beyond me, the God within me listens for the response. Sometimes those 'answers' or hints come from external sources - a recurring motif in podcasts, books or articles. New people or philosophies popping up in my periphery. Divine messaging is multifaceted and takes heterogeneous forms.
But as Rebecca Campbell says in her book, Light is the New Black (2015), if we don't heed the calls of the Muse, she will pass her idea onto somebody else. So when divine forces come a-knocking and ask you to submit an assignment, you don't question the grade you'll get or the time it'll take, you hand that shit in and forget the rest.
