Updated: Mar 22
Making the choice you didn't know you had
A lot of people stay stuck in a lukewarm, "settling" situation because they don't like the look of their other option. This relationship I am in is so-so (or worse) but the alternative of being alone looks too grim to leave. I like aspects of the job I am in but the dynamic with my colleagues is toxic - however, if I quit, I will be stuck at home in sweatpants feeling sorry for myself. I want to move to a different city, but last time I left my hometown it wasn't the right place for me.
This pattern of weighing one side against the other often falls under the structure of comparing the past to the present. I can stick with what I have that isn't satisfying and nourishing me, or I can return to what I used to have that I no longer want. People tend to have a bias that the past will repeat itself. The strange thing is, our lives tend to move forward. A relationship is often better than the last in some way, the next job is more aligned with who we are or the pay or conditions we want. And yet we assume that if we take a leap we will fall backwards.
In a lot of my work with clients (and friends), I find myself saying, "it's not just a choice between A & B, there's also a C that you're not considering." Echoing my past posts, I like to dance the line of duality, seeing how I can transcend or move past it. And as I previously mentioned from Richard Rohr or what is most commonly heard in improv troops, rather than "either, or" and "no, but," let's try to consider a "both, and."
Which brings me to the triad. It's not just you and me, it's also "us." It's not just if the person or the context is right or wrong - it's how compatible the two are with each other. It's not just the present and past, it's what's possible in the latent future. The trinity shows up in many religious traditions and I have been energizing multiples of threes since starting this business - you will notice that all my pricing options since the dawn of time have added up to 3, 6 or 9 (12, 15, 21 etc). These are numerologically considered abundant though there are some varied interpretations on that.
Threes asides, our minds tend to be limited by what we perceive as possible which is invariably conditioned by what we have already known or directly experienced. We can't conceive something is available to us until we see, experience, feel and think it so. That is Option C. The tract or route you haven't tried yet that doesn't have you settling for the incomplete options, where self betrayal and self denial run rampant.
Compromise can be a dirty word. I fear saying this makes me sound unreasonable or demanding, but to me it often insinuates a lack of imagination. I am much more fond of win-win situations where two asymmetrical perspectives show up in their full authenticity and together spawn a new possibility, where neither one has to abandon nor subvert their original position. This perspective is deeply rooted in faith that what the divine will wants for the individual will also align with what's best for the collective.
Look at where you are settling. "I am conflicted about the place I work." Write down the justifications for this compromise. "This job is giving me experience but the schedule or atmosphere doesn't work for me." Separate out what is working for you. "I am learning valuable tools and gaining new expertise." Write out what could be improved upon. "I would like to work with more like-minded women who hold the same priorities as I do in terms of lifestyle, wellness and conscious communication." Now invite in Divine Will to show you the Option C you haven't considered yet = the one that includes what you are gaining from the current situation and the missing ingredient you're still seeking out.
"Divine will, please show me the best possible outcome for my professional life at this time."
Pay attention to the signs, intuitive hits and ideas that come through you or your environment. Visualize what your best case scenario is even if you haven't seen the evidence that it exists yet. Your capacity to imagine it has just created the pretext for its possibility. Now understand that the divine will for you is not to stay lukewarm, tepid or lacklustre. Decide you want to thrive, risk losing what you already have and take the jump into the unknown where your Option C is waiting for you.